This will be my last night here.... in the house that we made together.  I am ready.  I am ready to let it all go and slip into clouds of my memories.  I cherrish always how much we loved each other.  I remember always the tender and soft moments.  I carry with me not regret or sorrow.  I have loved thee with every breath of my soul.  I say fairwell now... for none of us know what tomorrow brings.  Only God chooses what is right and what is meant to be. 

I am sorry for the words that have cut you so deeply.  I am sorry for all of things that I was not.  If there was ever a time that I made you feel worthless or less than what you are... Push that back to me now and I will saddle that harshness for all time. 

I wish you only happiness and joy throughout your life.   It matters not if I am happy or not.  The only matter is that we loved each as if this day, today, was the last of our life.  We shared and felt love... pure and undeniable.  But now we must let go.  We must move closer to our destiny's desires. 

I Love You Now... I Love You Always... Fairwell only for now, because goodbye is Forever...

Lord:

Grant me strength in this time of pain.  The hurt grows and grows.  My heart shutters with fear.  It grows weaker by the second.  I have lost faith in everything good and real.  I look to you now to show me the way to grace.  To walk with me through this life.  I wait for your love to heal my sorrow. 

Lastnight I dreamt of you... I thought of how we once shared everything and loved one another.  The words flowed, the feelings so right.  All I needed to feel safe and strong was your touch.  I longed for so long to hear those three words.  For so long I fought for you and with you.  Eventually you came to me... unabashadly... undenyingly.  We were what we needed.  We found in eachother everything that made us complete.  We found eachother in a sea of uncertainty and coincidence. 

As look back, I realize that our life together was no coincidence.  We were meant to walk that line together... never fearing the unkown... knowing we had eachother.  Truth be told, you brought me strength.  You brought the best out of me.  Never demanding of me more than what I was.  You accepted me for who I was and who I would eventually become. 

I was careless with your heart.  I let slip the one great love of my life.  I destroyed the beautiful life we built together.  Maybe someday, I will forgive myself.  Maybe one day I will be able to look at you and know you have moved beyond the pain that I caused you and I.

The dream was a dream... a great, beautiful and amazing dream... and then it was nothing....

The opportunities we face each day of our lives may seem inconsequential at the moment, but in time we see them for what they were.  Some wonderful, some dark and painful.  But in the end... they are all undeniable. 

As we spoke and said those words to each other, I felt a calming and sullen wave of emotion.  I realized that our time together was so special and so wonderful... it is one of a kind, a treasure.  I recall all the times I made you cry... I feel a deep sadness and regret for those terrible deeds done and horrible words spoken.  I often hope you never think of me too shallow or cold.  My heart beats as yours does. 

I hold on to the thought of those long talks... the ones with our feet perched high on the wall.  I look back to the beginning and smile the biggest smile.  Knowing that all it took was a look into each other's eyes to know what lie inside.  We laughed and laughed and laughed some more.  Always looking for the next joke, the next sick twisted thought... hahaha.

My tears turned my eyes ablaze... but you always soothed me with your soft voice.  My heart hurt so much... but you held me until it hurt no more.  My tears and My Pain were all that I knew at one time... you changed all of that.  I know that my heart beats today because of you.

As we face the long journey, I know we are still together... our hearts and souls, never fleeing from our Love.  We took a chance on each other... never looking back, and regretting nothing.  If ever a time comes that you need me... I will come calling to share in your laughter... your deepest sorrows.   

I truly believe this to be my final entry.  I leave this for you and only you.  You will always have a place in my heart, where we were together and happy.  And I will go there from time to time to recall and remember all of our greatest and worst times.  I would not be here, who I am, if not for you.  I Love You Always...

"the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances;  if there is a reaction,  both are transformed."

-Carl Jung

Tictoc.. Tictoc... Tictoc...

I weep for the future!